This weekend was a little bit of a struggle for me. All four of us were sitting around the living room talking when a math problem came up. I thought this would be a great chance to help the 6 year old practice her numbers. I asked her what 9 minus 5 is and the older one interjected with the incorrect answer of 3. The older one is 10 years old, and very mature for her age. Maybe it's the divorce, but she does not act like a 10 year old. However, her knowledge and math skills are extremely below her grade level.
I later asked the older one, what is 26 minus 15. She said a slew of incorrect numbers, and it made me think. How are you working on division yet you can't answer a math problem correctly? I'm very nervous about her. She does not like to read, she does not like to do homework. Not a big deal, I was kind of like that, and I know most girls her age struggle in school and at math.
The problem lies within how my boyfriend and I handle the situation. I feel like she needs to go to a tutor to seek extra help, and I believe both children need to spend at least two hours a weekend working on school work. This school work could be math books, reading, science experiments etc. My boyfriend does not feel this way. When I suggested the tutor, he said I should help her. While that seems ideal, I honestly don't have the patience. It's nothing against the children or me, I just have a lot of trouble explaining material over and over. I know that I will get frustrated and honestly that is not the kind of relationship I want to build with the eldest.
Sure, I'll help with homework questions, but I don't think I am the right person to teach the basics of math.
I'm not old enough to have friends with kids at this age, so I am not quite sure what to do. I want to help, but I don't want the responsibility to fall on me. I'll keep you posted on how I handle this, but how would you handle this?
Monday, September 21, 2015
Friday, September 18, 2015
Orientation
Let me bring you up to speed.
I've been dating my boyfriend for two years and we met through work. I never wanted to date anyone who I met through work before, but it just happened. I also never wanted to date someone who was divorced and especially had kids. I feel like when you don't want something to happen or you say no to something, you just challenge the universe to make it happen.
I grew up in a traditional family and dating a man (not too much older than me) who used to be married and has kids is a big red flag. It took my parents about 6 months to get on board, and some of my extended family is still on the fence, for their own closed minded views.
Now my boyfriend, he is absolutely wonderful. He is supportive, funny, hard working, caring, loving father, and I could go on. Him and I grew up very differently. His parents were more laid back, and mine were more of helicopter parents. He is not very close with his family and I talk to my family probably once every two days. When we do "co-parenting" things, I tend to be a lot more strict, and he kind of brushes it off. I don't take too much offense to it, or at least I didn't used to. Now, its getting harder.
The kids are great and they like me a lot, and I like them too. They are growing up differently that I did and I sometimes find that hard. It's not the fact that they have two parents who don't live together it's their quality of life with their mother. It's that they only have one parent who is willing to go above and beyond to get them what they want, and it's their father. Their life at home revolves around their mothers life and her social plans. It tends to bug me, because I feel like as a parent - it should be the opposite.
I try not to be involved with the mother-father politics. I view myself as a support system for my boyfriend and for the children. I never speak ill of their mother, and don't try to "one up" her.
Maybe, I was a very lucky child whose parents went above and beyond to let me do what I wanted, aka soccer, karate, volleyball, basketball etc. Where my parents put their social lives on hold to tote us around to our events.
It's a challenge to be in the position I am in. I love my boyfriend and I love his children but I know life would be easier if there wasn't this baggage. It's hard not to think that it'd be nice to not have the children around, but then when we're all having out good days I don't wish that at all.
I've been dating my boyfriend for two years and we met through work. I never wanted to date anyone who I met through work before, but it just happened. I also never wanted to date someone who was divorced and especially had kids. I feel like when you don't want something to happen or you say no to something, you just challenge the universe to make it happen.
I grew up in a traditional family and dating a man (not too much older than me) who used to be married and has kids is a big red flag. It took my parents about 6 months to get on board, and some of my extended family is still on the fence, for their own closed minded views.
Now my boyfriend, he is absolutely wonderful. He is supportive, funny, hard working, caring, loving father, and I could go on. Him and I grew up very differently. His parents were more laid back, and mine were more of helicopter parents. He is not very close with his family and I talk to my family probably once every two days. When we do "co-parenting" things, I tend to be a lot more strict, and he kind of brushes it off. I don't take too much offense to it, or at least I didn't used to. Now, its getting harder.
The kids are great and they like me a lot, and I like them too. They are growing up differently that I did and I sometimes find that hard. It's not the fact that they have two parents who don't live together it's their quality of life with their mother. It's that they only have one parent who is willing to go above and beyond to get them what they want, and it's their father. Their life at home revolves around their mothers life and her social plans. It tends to bug me, because I feel like as a parent - it should be the opposite.
I try not to be involved with the mother-father politics. I view myself as a support system for my boyfriend and for the children. I never speak ill of their mother, and don't try to "one up" her.
Maybe, I was a very lucky child whose parents went above and beyond to let me do what I wanted, aka soccer, karate, volleyball, basketball etc. Where my parents put their social lives on hold to tote us around to our events.
It's a challenge to be in the position I am in. I love my boyfriend and I love his children but I know life would be easier if there wasn't this baggage. It's hard not to think that it'd be nice to not have the children around, but then when we're all having out good days I don't wish that at all.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Hello
I am writing this anonymously about my adventures and experiences of being a future step mother. I will be writing about my everyday life, my inner thoughts, my frustrations and probably fears.
I'd love feedback, advice, words of wisdom, harsh truths etc. That is if anyone reads this.
xx
dubious
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